Ten Things a Woman Respects in a Man
Years ago a couple came to us for marriage counseling who were on the verge of divorce. Why? Because the husband continually failed to lower the toilet seat!
At the time we remembered seeing a gag book entitled, Everything Men Know About Women, which is comprised entirely of blank pages! That young man certainly didn’t have a clue! Thankfully, we can report that they are happily married today. Generally speaking, however, men really don’t understand women. But why?
God created men and women with diversity. He gave them both a need and a desire for one another. But He wired them biologically and psychologically differently. Your Failure to understand this will create continual tension and frustration in your relationships.
1 Corinthians 7:3 says, "A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife and each should satisfy the other's needs." It is a husband’s job to learn God’s expectation for him and understand his wife’s needs. Sadly, some men treat the woman they love more like a hunting buddy than a lady.
Here are ten things we’ve learned that women respect in a man?
1. A woman respects a man with a sense of humor.
In poll after poll, when asked what they want most in a man, women answer, "A good personality and sense of humor." A woman loves a man who can laugh—and make her laugh. She is impressed with a man who sees the cup as half full, rather than half empty; and delights in a man who thinks positive thoughts and shuns negativity (see Phil. 4:8).
2. A woman respects a man of vision.
A woman respects a man who knows why he's here and where he’s going. She intuitively knows when her man has no vision, and it leaves her with a sense of insecurity. A man of vision has expectations for the future, and sets goals and works toward the betterment of himself and his family. A woman admires such a man.
At marriage, a woman may feel that she must abandon her gifts, callings and dreams at the altar to fulfill her husband’s. Earn her respect. Blend your dreams with hers. Understand your kingdom assignment and God’s call upon your life. Then discover hers. As you help her fulfill her kingdom potential you will realize your own. That’s covenant marriage!
3. A woman respects a chivalrous man.
Chivalry is almost a thing of the past. One dictionary defines chivalry as "the qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women." A woman never tires of a man opening a door for her or pulling out a chair. She desires flowers, cards, hand-holding, cuddling, long walks, and romantic evenings. She wants her husband to plan special activities.
A woman respects a knight in shining armor who will protect and defend her honor! Sir, never let anyone speak derogatorily of your wife or girlfriend. Fathers, never let a child of yours say anything, in any tone of voice to your wife that you wouldn’t let the man next door say to her.
4. A woman respects a man who takes care of his body.
Scripture teaches that a husband and wife are one flesh (see Gen. 2:24 and Eph. 5:31). The care you show your own body shows your wife that you love her. This means working out, eating correctly and practicing good hygiene.
There is nothing romantic about body odor, clusters of ear or nose hair, armpit stains, yellow teeth or toenails that look like ancient Egyptian artifacts. It is a shame that it takes a "queer eye" to teach a "straight guy" what women want! And no, we’re not suggesting you become an "urban metrosexual male" who streaks his hair and gets his weekly pedicure.
5. A woman respects a man who respects her.
Value her. Weak men, who don’t know who they are themselves, tend to devalue women. Jesus respected women—even women that other men refused to respect. He spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well, a person that no self-respecting Jewish man would have spoken to. He spoke to the woman with the issue of blood, who had risked her life to touch the hem of his garment. His closest female friend was Mary Magdalene, from whom He had cast out seven demons. In fact, it was women, not men, who provided financially for His ministry (see Luke 8:1-3).
Treat her as your equal. There is good biblical reason. In the Spirit-led marriage, Paul says to husbands and wives, "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21, The Amplified Bible). He explained to the Galatians, "In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ" (Gal. 3:28, The Message).
6. A woman respects a man who talks with her not just at her.
A common complaint from women is that they feel ignored in conversational settings. Some husbands talk to their wives rather than talk with their wives. To talk with your wife you must first understand what talking means to her. Proverbs 13:17 says, "Good communication is critical."
Gary Smalley, who has written extensively about marriage, says that a woman requires 10,000 words a day to communicate. But a man needs only 2,000 words each day. So, don’t be surprised when you come home exhausted from work and are finished talking for the day and discover that she is just getting started. Especially if she has been confined to "baby-talking" with preschoolers all day!
Listen. Here is the best advice we can give you: to a woman, a man listens with his eyes. That’s right—with his eyes! If she’s speaking and you are focused on the television, the computer monitor, or the newspaper, you aren’t listening. Who knew!?
Learn her language. A man is an intellectual processor. He talks primarily to express thoughts, solve problems and arrive at conclusions. When talking about a problem, all a man wants is the bottom line.
A woman tends to be an emotional processor. Your wife talks about her problem primarily to process her emotions, not her thoughts. She’s not wasting words and time.
Rule: If her lips are moving, she’s processing her problem with words. Interrupt her with your solutions at your own peril!
She’ll find relief by talking it out, not by hearing your solution. Just listen (yes, with your eyes).
Talk on her terms. When a wife complains that her husband never talks with her, what she is really saying is, "He never tells me what he’s feeling, what worries him, what his goals and plans are, what he feels about me and our marriage, or whether or not he likes his job? Guys, we know it’s uncomfortable. Men don't generally talk about their feelings like women do. But try it. The benefits will outweigh the discomfort!
7. A woman respects a decisive man—a man with initiative.
Ambitious men attract women. A woman respects a man who is willing to take the bull by the horns, step up to the plate, and accept responsibility. Paul wrote, "The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing [her]" (Eph. 5:23).
A strong woman married to a weak man will tend to do one of two things: Either she will back up in order to get the husband to step forward, or she will step up and assume his roles and responsibilities. Either way, she betrays herself in an attempt to provoke him to manhood. In time, this relationship will suffer.
8. A woman respects a one-woman man.
She wants to know that she is the only woman in your heart. This rules out porn and Internet sex. A godly man will put a guard over his eyes and his heart. It also rules out continual comparisons and/or references to your first wife or your mother. And never discuss intimate things with any other woman but your wife, lest you commit "emotional adultery." (An exception might be in a legitimate counseling setting.)
9. A woman respects a thoughtful man.
Some men tend to have selective memory. He can remember the length and weight of the bass he caught in ‘83, but he can’t remember his wife’s birthday. He can recall the points on the deer he shot in ‘99, but he has difficulty remembering his anniversary. Thank God for PDAs!
Also, you may fail to realize that women need relationships with other women. They communicate socially with one another on a level that men can’t. If you don’t understand this, you may think she is not a good wife or mother because she wants to be with her friends.
A thoughtful husband gives his wife time to be with her friends. He will occasionally take care of the children while she goes to a movie with the girls. In some homes there is a double standard. The wife must meet the husband’s standard of housecleaning or food preparation regardless of how she feels. Even when both are working, the husband often leaves the housecleaning to the wife. At times a thoughtful husband will come home from work and help around the house, even though he’s exhausted!
10. A woman respects a man who loves her.
Colossians 3:19 says, "Husbands give your wife much love and never treat her harshly." A woman’s greatest need is to feel treasured by her husband. Scripture instructs, "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving not getting" (Eph. 5:25). There are three areas that you can focus on today to express love to your wife:
First: Her kids. Your children came from her body. To her, they are extensions of who she is. If you ignore the children, refuse to encourage and affirm them, or fail to discipline them, as far as she is concerned, you are ignoring her. Not good.
Second: Her house. Your house is her "nest." It is also an expression and an extension of who your wife is. When you married her, your basketball posters came down.
When you ignore a leaky faucet, a burned-out bulb or any other of her concerns regarding the house, you are ignoring her. Learn it.
Third: Her time. She wants to be your friend, as well as your lover. She has many demands on her time, but what she wants is time alone with you! Select a weekly date night, and arrange for a baby sitter. To her, companionship and friendship is more than sharing the same space; it is sharing the same interests, goals and dreams for the future.
The question isn’t, "Do you love your wife?" It’s, "Are you loving your wife?" Love is what you do, not what you feel. How can you know?
We suggest you take 1 Corinthians 13, "The Love Chapter," and insert your name for the word "love." Now read it aloud and ask yourself, "Does this describe me?" If not, then list the areas that need improvement.
Take them before the Lord in prayer. Ask the woman in your life to hold you accountable. Intentionally grow into the man God is calling you to be.
In the bedroom, when it comes to sexual intimacy, the biggest mistake many husbands make is to approach and to offer their wives what they want, rather than take time to learn their wives’ preferences. Generally speaking, women require more time for sexual intimacy than a man. Honor her requests so you can both be fulfilled.
In closing: Benjamin Kublesky, was born on Valentine’s day, February 14, 1894 at Mercy Hospital, Chicago Illinois. Benjamin was a young man working in a studio when he noticed a young woman working there. He was too shy and embarrassed to ask her out. So, he sent a single, red rose to her desk with a note attached to it. He thought it would be a nice expression of beauty and love. Everyday, when she arrived at work, she found a fresh red rose.
One day, she asked the deliveryman who was sending the roses. He told her it was a fellow employee named Benjamin. She looked him up; they began talking, and eventually went out. She assumed that after they went out the roses would stop. But they didn’t stop. A single red rose came every day.
In time they were engaged and although she thought the roses would stop, they didn't. After their wedding day a red rose was delivered every day. Even after their first anniversary, and yes for decades to come, the red roses continued to show up. Then Benjamin died. The day after his funeral, a single red rose showed up; and the day after that. At first Mary was too deeply grieved, but later she went to the florist and said, "I'm sure you realize my husband has passed away. It is kind of you to send the flowers, but you do not need to do this any longer." And the florist said, "Ma'am, you don’t understand. Your husband made provisions years ago to provide you a single red rose every day of your life."
Her husband's wish was granted, and Mary received a long-stemmed red rose every day until June 30, 1983, when she finally rejoined her Benjamin, the man who had loved her so much. Benjamin Kublesky? Yes. But the world knew him as actor/comedian, Jack Benny.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
© Copyright 2006, Eddie Smith, 7710-T Cherry Park Dr, Ste 224, Houston, TX 77095
Eddie and his wife Alice offer a free 52-week school of prayer at www.teachmetopray.com
At the time we remembered seeing a gag book entitled, Everything Men Know About Women, which is comprised entirely of blank pages! That young man certainly didn’t have a clue! Thankfully, we can report that they are happily married today. Generally speaking, however, men really don’t understand women. But why?
God created men and women with diversity. He gave them both a need and a desire for one another. But He wired them biologically and psychologically differently. Your Failure to understand this will create continual tension and frustration in your relationships.
1 Corinthians 7:3 says, "A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife and each should satisfy the other's needs." It is a husband’s job to learn God’s expectation for him and understand his wife’s needs. Sadly, some men treat the woman they love more like a hunting buddy than a lady.
Here are ten things we’ve learned that women respect in a man?
1. A woman respects a man with a sense of humor.
In poll after poll, when asked what they want most in a man, women answer, "A good personality and sense of humor." A woman loves a man who can laugh—and make her laugh. She is impressed with a man who sees the cup as half full, rather than half empty; and delights in a man who thinks positive thoughts and shuns negativity (see Phil. 4:8).
2. A woman respects a man of vision.
A woman respects a man who knows why he's here and where he’s going. She intuitively knows when her man has no vision, and it leaves her with a sense of insecurity. A man of vision has expectations for the future, and sets goals and works toward the betterment of himself and his family. A woman admires such a man.
At marriage, a woman may feel that she must abandon her gifts, callings and dreams at the altar to fulfill her husband’s. Earn her respect. Blend your dreams with hers. Understand your kingdom assignment and God’s call upon your life. Then discover hers. As you help her fulfill her kingdom potential you will realize your own. That’s covenant marriage!
3. A woman respects a chivalrous man.
Chivalry is almost a thing of the past. One dictionary defines chivalry as "the qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women." A woman never tires of a man opening a door for her or pulling out a chair. She desires flowers, cards, hand-holding, cuddling, long walks, and romantic evenings. She wants her husband to plan special activities.
A woman respects a knight in shining armor who will protect and defend her honor! Sir, never let anyone speak derogatorily of your wife or girlfriend. Fathers, never let a child of yours say anything, in any tone of voice to your wife that you wouldn’t let the man next door say to her.
4. A woman respects a man who takes care of his body.
Scripture teaches that a husband and wife are one flesh (see Gen. 2:24 and Eph. 5:31). The care you show your own body shows your wife that you love her. This means working out, eating correctly and practicing good hygiene.
There is nothing romantic about body odor, clusters of ear or nose hair, armpit stains, yellow teeth or toenails that look like ancient Egyptian artifacts. It is a shame that it takes a "queer eye" to teach a "straight guy" what women want! And no, we’re not suggesting you become an "urban metrosexual male" who streaks his hair and gets his weekly pedicure.
5. A woman respects a man who respects her.
Value her. Weak men, who don’t know who they are themselves, tend to devalue women. Jesus respected women—even women that other men refused to respect. He spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well, a person that no self-respecting Jewish man would have spoken to. He spoke to the woman with the issue of blood, who had risked her life to touch the hem of his garment. His closest female friend was Mary Magdalene, from whom He had cast out seven demons. In fact, it was women, not men, who provided financially for His ministry (see Luke 8:1-3).
Treat her as your equal. There is good biblical reason. In the Spirit-led marriage, Paul says to husbands and wives, "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21, The Amplified Bible). He explained to the Galatians, "In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ" (Gal. 3:28, The Message).
6. A woman respects a man who talks with her not just at her.
A common complaint from women is that they feel ignored in conversational settings. Some husbands talk to their wives rather than talk with their wives. To talk with your wife you must first understand what talking means to her. Proverbs 13:17 says, "Good communication is critical."
Gary Smalley, who has written extensively about marriage, says that a woman requires 10,000 words a day to communicate. But a man needs only 2,000 words each day. So, don’t be surprised when you come home exhausted from work and are finished talking for the day and discover that she is just getting started. Especially if she has been confined to "baby-talking" with preschoolers all day!
Listen. Here is the best advice we can give you: to a woman, a man listens with his eyes. That’s right—with his eyes! If she’s speaking and you are focused on the television, the computer monitor, or the newspaper, you aren’t listening. Who knew!?
Learn her language. A man is an intellectual processor. He talks primarily to express thoughts, solve problems and arrive at conclusions. When talking about a problem, all a man wants is the bottom line.
A woman tends to be an emotional processor. Your wife talks about her problem primarily to process her emotions, not her thoughts. She’s not wasting words and time.
Rule: If her lips are moving, she’s processing her problem with words. Interrupt her with your solutions at your own peril!
She’ll find relief by talking it out, not by hearing your solution. Just listen (yes, with your eyes).
Talk on her terms. When a wife complains that her husband never talks with her, what she is really saying is, "He never tells me what he’s feeling, what worries him, what his goals and plans are, what he feels about me and our marriage, or whether or not he likes his job? Guys, we know it’s uncomfortable. Men don't generally talk about their feelings like women do. But try it. The benefits will outweigh the discomfort!
7. A woman respects a decisive man—a man with initiative.
Ambitious men attract women. A woman respects a man who is willing to take the bull by the horns, step up to the plate, and accept responsibility. Paul wrote, "The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing [her]" (Eph. 5:23).
A strong woman married to a weak man will tend to do one of two things: Either she will back up in order to get the husband to step forward, or she will step up and assume his roles and responsibilities. Either way, she betrays herself in an attempt to provoke him to manhood. In time, this relationship will suffer.
8. A woman respects a one-woman man.
She wants to know that she is the only woman in your heart. This rules out porn and Internet sex. A godly man will put a guard over his eyes and his heart. It also rules out continual comparisons and/or references to your first wife or your mother. And never discuss intimate things with any other woman but your wife, lest you commit "emotional adultery." (An exception might be in a legitimate counseling setting.)
9. A woman respects a thoughtful man.
Some men tend to have selective memory. He can remember the length and weight of the bass he caught in ‘83, but he can’t remember his wife’s birthday. He can recall the points on the deer he shot in ‘99, but he has difficulty remembering his anniversary. Thank God for PDAs!
Also, you may fail to realize that women need relationships with other women. They communicate socially with one another on a level that men can’t. If you don’t understand this, you may think she is not a good wife or mother because she wants to be with her friends.
A thoughtful husband gives his wife time to be with her friends. He will occasionally take care of the children while she goes to a movie with the girls. In some homes there is a double standard. The wife must meet the husband’s standard of housecleaning or food preparation regardless of how she feels. Even when both are working, the husband often leaves the housecleaning to the wife. At times a thoughtful husband will come home from work and help around the house, even though he’s exhausted!
10. A woman respects a man who loves her.
Colossians 3:19 says, "Husbands give your wife much love and never treat her harshly." A woman’s greatest need is to feel treasured by her husband. Scripture instructs, "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving not getting" (Eph. 5:25). There are three areas that you can focus on today to express love to your wife:
First: Her kids. Your children came from her body. To her, they are extensions of who she is. If you ignore the children, refuse to encourage and affirm them, or fail to discipline them, as far as she is concerned, you are ignoring her. Not good.
Second: Her house. Your house is her "nest." It is also an expression and an extension of who your wife is. When you married her, your basketball posters came down.
When you ignore a leaky faucet, a burned-out bulb or any other of her concerns regarding the house, you are ignoring her. Learn it.
Third: Her time. She wants to be your friend, as well as your lover. She has many demands on her time, but what she wants is time alone with you! Select a weekly date night, and arrange for a baby sitter. To her, companionship and friendship is more than sharing the same space; it is sharing the same interests, goals and dreams for the future.
The question isn’t, "Do you love your wife?" It’s, "Are you loving your wife?" Love is what you do, not what you feel. How can you know?
We suggest you take 1 Corinthians 13, "The Love Chapter," and insert your name for the word "love." Now read it aloud and ask yourself, "Does this describe me?" If not, then list the areas that need improvement.
Take them before the Lord in prayer. Ask the woman in your life to hold you accountable. Intentionally grow into the man God is calling you to be.
In the bedroom, when it comes to sexual intimacy, the biggest mistake many husbands make is to approach and to offer their wives what they want, rather than take time to learn their wives’ preferences. Generally speaking, women require more time for sexual intimacy than a man. Honor her requests so you can both be fulfilled.
In closing: Benjamin Kublesky, was born on Valentine’s day, February 14, 1894 at Mercy Hospital, Chicago Illinois. Benjamin was a young man working in a studio when he noticed a young woman working there. He was too shy and embarrassed to ask her out. So, he sent a single, red rose to her desk with a note attached to it. He thought it would be a nice expression of beauty and love. Everyday, when she arrived at work, she found a fresh red rose.
One day, she asked the deliveryman who was sending the roses. He told her it was a fellow employee named Benjamin. She looked him up; they began talking, and eventually went out. She assumed that after they went out the roses would stop. But they didn’t stop. A single red rose came every day.
In time they were engaged and although she thought the roses would stop, they didn't. After their wedding day a red rose was delivered every day. Even after their first anniversary, and yes for decades to come, the red roses continued to show up. Then Benjamin died. The day after his funeral, a single red rose showed up; and the day after that. At first Mary was too deeply grieved, but later she went to the florist and said, "I'm sure you realize my husband has passed away. It is kind of you to send the flowers, but you do not need to do this any longer." And the florist said, "Ma'am, you don’t understand. Your husband made provisions years ago to provide you a single red rose every day of your life."
Her husband's wish was granted, and Mary received a long-stemmed red rose every day until June 30, 1983, when she finally rejoined her Benjamin, the man who had loved her so much. Benjamin Kublesky? Yes. But the world knew him as actor/comedian, Jack Benny.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
© Copyright 2006, Eddie Smith, 7710-T Cherry Park Dr, Ste 224, Houston, TX 77095
Eddie and his wife Alice offer a free 52-week school of prayer at www.teachmetopray.com
posted by Eddie Smith | 2:43 PM
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